Well I know I've been a little whiny recently. We all have good and bad days. Not having very much to do gives one too much time to think. So it was time to get a little busier.
Last week I started to volunteer at our adoption agency. It's not a whole lot to do, but I've been there twice in the last week and felt like I was helping others, which was nice. As a teacher I send an invitation to volunteer in my class to my parents every year. I'm always happy if there is one mom who is willing to come and help out! So when I saw our agencies invitation to volunteer I figured it is time to give back.
When I ran into my case worker we had a really nice chat. In the course of that I realized that my brother-in-law whose now living for us for at least a month obviously needed to be fingerprinted. Wow, how did I miss that????!!!!! Thank goodness God sent me in the right place to make sure it all got taken care of. We got it all done on Monday and are good to go. :o)
Last weekend we got to spend in with wonderful friends who then came to visit us on Monday. That definitely made time go faster.
I've never been good at waiting, but I know my friends that I need to quit whining and simply be ok with God's timing. The hardest thing is that while 6 months of waiting are in general normal and not much at all, there are quite a few families with our agency that got matched much faster than that. So I greatly appreciate all your prayers for patience for me!
I came across this video on another adoption blog and it fits so perfectly for me, that I wanted to re-post it here. Waiting - I guess I'll better make the best of it.
Bartlett Family
Summer 2014
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Late Night Thoughts
Well, I can tell it is summer vacation, because there is no possible way that I would usually be awake at this time of night. No, not even on the weekend. I guess that's what comes with teaching 1st graders, they wear me out. ;o) While I enjoy my vacation very much, I do miss being surrounded by kids!!!!!
I love my dogs and cats, but it's just awfully quiet here in this house.
The last 2 weeks have been a little rough in regards to the wait. Michael tells me that ignorance is bliss, and I should just read less and I'd feel better about things. Well that's unfortunately not how my little mind works. Luckily he knows that, so he just lets me do my thing.
At this point there is only one other family that attended our adoption class that has not been matched yet. I know that this is not a competition and I know it is all in God's time. That is what I know, but my heart is a total different subject.
Thoughts like "What's wrong with us, why do mom's pick other couples over us?" keep coming into my mind at least once a day. Typically more often. I'm second guessing everything. Is our matchletter bad, do we need to change things, ...? And most of all there is still this fear in the very back of my brain and the bottom of my heart that I am just not meant to be a mother. It really hurts to write this down, but throughout our years of infertility I've always struggled with this. What if God just doesn't mean for me to be a mother?
The sad thing is, that this would mean that Michael won't be a father. I just can't imagine that this could be God's plan. Michael will be the most amazing father!!!!! God has shaped him to be the perfect dad. So why is he not letting him become a father? It really is beyond my understanding.
Today I read the following verse in a posting of an online adoption community:
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, "Give them up!"
And to the sound, "Do not hold them back."
Bring my sons from afar,
and my daughters from the ends of the earth --
Everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.
- Isaiah 43: 5-7
The first line is the key for me - do not be afraid. As I am rereading my post I realize that I am afraid. I'm full of fear and I just can't get rid off it. As our pastor points out frequently "To worry is to not trust God". Well my brain knows that and it's trying for my heart to understand this concept, but somewhere along the way the info just gets lost. So if any of you out there, friends, family, or fellow soon to be adoptive moms or already adoptive moms have some good advice for me, please don't hold back!
I need to focus on the trust that God will bring our child to us! It's in his time though and that's the hard part for me.
I love my dogs and cats, but it's just awfully quiet here in this house.
The last 2 weeks have been a little rough in regards to the wait. Michael tells me that ignorance is bliss, and I should just read less and I'd feel better about things. Well that's unfortunately not how my little mind works. Luckily he knows that, so he just lets me do my thing.
At this point there is only one other family that attended our adoption class that has not been matched yet. I know that this is not a competition and I know it is all in God's time. That is what I know, but my heart is a total different subject.
Thoughts like "What's wrong with us, why do mom's pick other couples over us?" keep coming into my mind at least once a day. Typically more often. I'm second guessing everything. Is our matchletter bad, do we need to change things, ...? And most of all there is still this fear in the very back of my brain and the bottom of my heart that I am just not meant to be a mother. It really hurts to write this down, but throughout our years of infertility I've always struggled with this. What if God just doesn't mean for me to be a mother?
The sad thing is, that this would mean that Michael won't be a father. I just can't imagine that this could be God's plan. Michael will be the most amazing father!!!!! God has shaped him to be the perfect dad. So why is he not letting him become a father? It really is beyond my understanding.
Today I read the following verse in a posting of an online adoption community:
Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
I will say to the north, "Give them up!"
And to the sound, "Do not hold them back."
Bring my sons from afar,
and my daughters from the ends of the earth --
Everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.
- Isaiah 43: 5-7
The first line is the key for me - do not be afraid. As I am rereading my post I realize that I am afraid. I'm full of fear and I just can't get rid off it. As our pastor points out frequently "To worry is to not trust God". Well my brain knows that and it's trying for my heart to understand this concept, but somewhere along the way the info just gets lost. So if any of you out there, friends, family, or fellow soon to be adoptive moms or already adoptive moms have some good advice for me, please don't hold back!
I need to focus on the trust that God will bring our child to us! It's in his time though and that's the hard part for me.
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