Everything was planned out and then God taught us that we don't get to control our lives.
We'd been trying to have a baby for a year, when Michael's mom unexpectedly died from a heart attack. Shortly thereafter we had Dr. appointments that confirmed we were diagnosed with infertility. It wasn't a simple diagnosis and we figured out that both of us were part of the problem. In the mean time all our close friends either became pregnant or had kids already. It is so hard to be happy for your friends, when you are so incredibly sad and hurt. Not being able to have children is like loosing a basic right that one has earned simply by being human. As a young girl you pretend with pillows to be pregnant and then birth your baby dolls. Little did I know that this would be the closest I would ever be to giving birth. (quoted from: Secret thoughts of and adoptive mother.) But this quote couldn't be more true for me.
Well after our diagnosis we obviously believed, we can FIX this. So being the kind of couple we are, we began to try everything we could think of to fix our situation. From Chinese herbs, to acupuncture, to tons of vitamins, relaxation techniques, surgeries, and infertility treatments. Talking about taking the fun out of having a baby!
Especially fertility treatments turn the most intimate experience of a couple into a semi-public science experiment. I really don't want to go into detail here, but I pray for all of you that you will never be in this spot.
I also want to tell those of you who are in the same spot as we are that saying enough is enough is ok. God has a plan for all of us, and unfortunately that plan doesn't always align with ours. All you can do is to trust and pray. Believe me I know how hard that can be!
I am so thankful for all our friends and family who have walked this hard walk alongside with us those last few years. There was a lot of encouragement, a lot of tears, and mostly prayers. We are so thankful for all your prayers!
Last fall we were determined to try 3 more IUIs and that would be it. I was amazed how I was able to handle all those failures. I expected to completely fall apart, but it didn't happen. Yes we were devastated, but we had been praying for so long that God would provide us with strength, wisdom and courage, and that is what he did.
After our last IUI in March I prayed for a sign of where our journey to parenthood should go. We had been to information meetings about adoption before, but I had not been ready. On a wonderful Saturday afternoon in April at CCV (Christ Church of the Valley) I got the sign I had been praying for. And that was when our journey changed.
I am so thankful for all of Michael's patience. He told me a long time ago, that he would be happy to adopt, but he understood my desire to carry our child. What an amazing man God gave me. I know you will get sick of hearing this, but that's just the way it is.
Over the summer we picked out an adoption agency we felt would work well for us. In September we took our classes to be certified to adopt - yes you do have to take classes! At the same time we completed our homestudy paperwork. We had done paperwork before, but nothing like this! Our case worker knows pretty much everything there is to know about our family life, marriage, childhood, our parents, our siblings, our plans, dreams, fears, and worries. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that it took days to fill in all this paperwork.
Now we were on to the waiting game. Refer to my introduction post about today's meeting.
We are very anxious for our next one.
Our tasks now are to safe a very large amount of money, and write our match letter.
There are many friends, family members, and others who have asked how they can support us in this journey. What we appreciate most are your prayers! Please pray for our child, that he or she may be protected from any harm and kept safe. We also ask you to pray for our birth mother, her courage to choose life for our child, her safety, and for wisdom in her decision making.
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